Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize