Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
