I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's always time for handjobs
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
