so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just google imaged poop.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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