oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Let's paint friendship bongs
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
