I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Someone shit on the floor
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
