they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
