Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
