Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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