dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
