Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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