Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
