Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
