he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
