ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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