He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
