All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
