This is not my ceiling
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
