No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
