im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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