how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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