You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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