I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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