i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
