how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
