I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
