oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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