the condom got lost in my hair
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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