Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
