Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
last night I used snow as a chaser
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
