I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
