sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize