she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
