they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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