I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
