Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
