you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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