fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
