i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Randomize