Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
