U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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