so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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