who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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