Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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