Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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