I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
