You can't motorboat a personality
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
