Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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