Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
