Will you blow on my dice?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
