she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
