Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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