Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My ATM looks so different sober.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
