just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
