so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
