can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
