You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
