Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
