why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
