I have demons in me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Randomize
