I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
