So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
