you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
