Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Someone came in the potted fern
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
