Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
