i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
