do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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