My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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