but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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