wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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