You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
