awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
